I often wonder whether I am the only person in the world who is actually troubled by the pain of people I don't know. It's one thing so sympathise and think "oh that's a shame". But to feel like you are that person. Hell, I sometimes feel even worse than that person. I have tried to stop but all I can do I suppress them for a very short time. They are still swimming around in my head, the water level rapidly increasing every time I try to forget. Then everything overflows and I can't stop feeling.
I am supposed to be at college now doing a very important maths assignment. But instead I am here because I spent all of last night thinking about someone I don't even know. I don't know what they look like, how old they are or even what their name is. I just know I am carrying their pain around with me. They don't know this, they don't even know that I exist. This is what troubles me. I want to find them and tell them things will be okay and that I went through exactly the same thing. I want to hold them and tell them that whenever they need me I will be there. But I can't, so I'm left with feeling troubled.
I don't know how to change the way I am. I know I probably should because feeling to this extent isn't normal. But my heart isn't in it. I don't really want to change because although these feelings are quite overwhelmingly painful at times I would rather feel at this depth than not feel at all.
I have an abnormally large heart. But I'm fine with it :)
Posted the the One Minute Writer Challenge "normal"
http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/
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